


Insatiable

by Bloomingforhim



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Cheating, Dominance, Erotic, F/M, Hot and Cold, Infidelity, Multi, Oral Sex, Penetrative Sex, Possessive Negan, Possessive Rick, Submission, Vaginal Sex, affair, the walking dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23911150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloomingforhim/pseuds/Bloomingforhim
Summary: What starts as a simple babysitting job for your neighbors, The Grimes, turns into much more. Rick draws you into his world, giving you purpose and direction. It doesn't take long before the carelessness of your passion catches up to you and Lori finds out. Your babysitting job is over, as is your relationship with Rick as he tries to salvage his marriage. Now there is nothing to satiate the fire Rick ignited in you, nothing to fill the cracks inside your heart. That is until you meet another man, more dark and dangerous than Rick could ever be-Negan. But will you be able to forget the handsome officer next door?
Relationships: Negan X You, Rick Grimes x reader - Relationship, Rick Grimes x you, negan x reader
Comments: 47
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Negan appears in chapter 8. Lots of Rick and Negan sexy ;) content!

After just graduating high school you felt a particular pressure lifted off you. The constant embarrassment of being the odd one out, the one left not chosen. It was always you at the heart of every cafeteria, of every classroom, of every auditorium—you, alone. Known by everyone, seen by everyone, yet not seen at all. Looked over. While all of your peers were eager to begin their young adult lives, you stayed behind until you were the only one you knew without a license and a car. It wasn’t because you were lazy, but because you were afraid of the world out there, the unknown. You didn’t trust yourself to be able to provide for your needs or be able to do things without the comfort of another person to guide you along. But, god, living with your parents for the rest of your life sounded humiliating. 

One morning in particular you felt as if the world and its expectations were falling down around you. You grabbed the pink and white floral blanket off your bed and headed outside. 

You threw your blanket down beside the blue hydrangeas on the border of your property and the Grimes’. Something about hydrangeas fascinated you. Each and every little delicate flower gathered beside one another to form a beautiful ball of blue. To be such a stunning scene, they had to nestle up close to one another, seeking comfort in that community of tiny flowers. If it was acceptable for these flowers to need one another, why was it seen as a bad thing for you to rely on other people? 

The bees didn’t particularly care for the hydrangeas, yet still landed on them for a brief time before flying away. It seemed they had no worries in the world, as if they knew exactly where to be and when, and what to do and how. You envied that. 

With the sun warming your skin, it was almost like you could fall asleep like this, with the sounds of nature encompassing you like a cozy blanket. Then you heard the laughter of a child and a door slam shut. 

You sat up, peeking over the flowers to see the little Grimes boy being chased close behind by his father, wearing a police uniform. “How’d you get so fast, huh?” 

You jumped back just as the boy dove over the flowers and settled down beside you, breathing heavy. His freckled face looked up at you and he said, “Be real quiet and I don’t think my dad will find us! He’s a cop but I’m a really good hider.” 

You just nodded and glanced through the porous wall of flowers to see Mr. Grimes scratching his head, feigning confusion. “Oh no, Carl, where did you go? You just disappeared on me before I could get my goodbye hug!” His southern accent was way stronger than yours, or even his son’s. His voice grew closer. “You wouldn’t happen to be anywhere over here would you?” 

The little freckle-faced boy you now knew to be Carl grinned up at you with mischief. Then, making you jerk back, Mr. Grimes jumped in front of you both and grabbed up Carl in a huge hug and spun him around before sitting him down again. 

Carl looked up at his father, whose gaze was now trained on you. “I thought you would never find me, dad. I told her I was a really good hider.” 

“Did you now?” He said to Carl, acknowledging him with words but yet not taking his eyes off you. You stared up at him from your place on the blanket. The blood in your veins pumped faster. It was the way he stood there, so still, the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips, just watching you. You noticed his eyes were the brightest blue, in stark contrast with his dark hair which curled around his ears. “I’m Rick,” he said suddenly, sticking out his hand breaking your dangerous train of thought. 

You stood up and brushed off your dress before taking it. “I’m Y/N.” Your breaths got quicker as he kept your hand for a little too long. 

He smiled at you, let go, and turned back to Carl. “Tell your mother when she wakes up I’ll be home from work around 6, okay? Maybe see if she’ll make some of that pie we like for dessert.” He winked at Carl and shooed him in the direction of the door. 

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” he said. “You have a nice evening.” 

You watched as he walked away, got in his police cruiser and drove down the road. As soon as the car was out of sight you threw yourself back on the blanket and looked up at the sky. 

At least something interesting finally happened in your life. Living it locked up in the house all day since graduation, it had been a long time since anything worth mentioning occurred. You loved writing in your diary, you loved analyzing things and people, but lately your diary sat drier than cheap cake. Your mood lightened so considerably, you smiled to yourself at the sheer ridiculousness of it. Who knew a few polite words with a man could lift you up so much? Well, you did, actually. 

It made you laugh because you knew yourself well enough now to realize that this was the beginning of a new little obsession, something new and fancy to write about in your diary. And so cliche it was, a teenage girl crushing on the older man next door. But how could you not?


	2. The Babysitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You accidentally become Rick’s peeping Tom. Lori has a job for you.

You lie in your bed, awake now, but leaving your lids still shut in hopes you'd fall back into an early morning slumber. But as soon as your mind had become conscious again, your thoughts drifted to Rick. You thought back to that tense, warm feeling you'd felt when he stared at you and what you thought you'd seen in his expression. 

There was no denying you were attracted to him, your body practically screamed it at you while you had stood there in from of him. You knew nothing would ever happen between the two of you. After all, he lived next door with his wife and son and they seemed like the picture perfect family from what you could tell. But there was no one here to say you couldn't fantasize about it... pretend you'd felt a string of electricity between the two of you... 

In a miserable effort to take your mind off things that would never and could never be, you grabbed the little make-shift tie backs you'd made for your curtains out of strings of old lace. But when you pulled the curtain back you were met with the sight of Rick. Shirtless. Standing in front of what you assumed was his bedroom window, getting dressed. His eyes were fixed on something in front of him, granting you the ability to gawk. The majority of his lower half was out of view, but you could see him tug up his pants and reach for a shirt. 

While in the back of your mind you knew you should look away, your eyes dragged along his body, paying close attention to the way the white undershirt he pulled over his head stretched over his toned body and left his muscled arms looking more delicious than before. 

Then he turned and your eyes met. He froze in place for just a moment before his body loosened and a knowing smile began to creep across his face. You dropped instantly to the floor, breathing hard. Fuck! "That did not just happen. That did not just happen," you whispered to yourself, mortified. 

You could never show your face again after that. Never. It was bad enough he caught you staring, but falling to the floor once caught? It would have been so much better if you could have played it off with a wave and nonchalantly walked away. I mean, how could you ever go outside, running the risk of bumping into him, or his wife, who you're sure he'd tell the fucking hilarious story to? Maybe there was some sort of story you could make up, just in case he told your parents about the incident or god forbid, you ever did see him again. 

"Think, think... " you said aloud from your place on the floor, tapping yourself on the head hard enough to make you wince. "I was just... trying to... I wasn't watching you I..." nothing. You scrubbed your hand over you face. "I guess never showing my face again it is." 

You rolled over on your stomach and crawled low until you were out of view of the window and hopped back in bed, pulling the covers over you and burying your face in the pillow. 

Until you heard a knock at your front door. 

When you heard that knock, your mind raced through the worst possibilities. The most likely of which is Rick is coming to tell your mom and dad you're a peeping Tom... and you couldn't let that happen, even if it meant having to face him after the mortifying disaster that just took place. 

"Don't worry, mom! I'll get it!" You hollered before she had the chance to even think about getting up. You almost fell down opening your door and running down the steps. 

Standing in front of your front door, you took a deep breath and pulled it open like you were pulling off a bandaid. Your breath got caught in your throat. His wife. With a baby. 

"Hi, Y/N," she said, giving you a tired smile. "I'm Lori, Rick's wife. He told me he met you yesterday. Carl did, too. I was wondering if you'd be interested in babysitting Judith starting next week. I'm going to be going back to work and I'd rather not have her at a daycare." She stopped to judge your reaction. 

You shook off your shock and realized that you should be feeling relieved as about right now that she, in fact, did not know about your little incident with her husband mere minutes ago. Or at least she wasn't talking about it. 

"Oh, I—uh yeah. I mean, I've babysat before." 

Her face softened and she smiled. "It would be 5 days a week from 8:30 to about 5:30. I'd pay you twenty dollars a day. Does that sound okay?" 

She glanced past you and shifted Judith to the other hip. "Can I come in?" 

"Oh, yeah, sure. I'm sorry, I should've—" She cut you off and brushed your shoulder with her hand. 

"Don't worry, honey. It's all right." She walked past you to sit down on the couch and you noticed then just how pretty she was, and so sweet. She had long dark hair and a thin frame, but what really made her pretty was how gentle she seemed. 

"So," she said, "Judith is a pretty good baby. She only gets fussy if she's hungry or needs a change. She likes it when you get down on the floor and play with her, too." Lori looked up at you. 

"Are you okay, Y/N?" She asked. 

"Oh, yeah, it's just that this is perfect timing for me. I was going crazy with nothing to do." You felt guilty looking at her, at the baby, knowing the things that ran through your head this morning while watching Rick get dressed. The things you felt yesterday. This was your way to make up for it, to help her out. "So I can start this coming Monday? Do I just come knock on your door a little before 8:30?" 

"Yes, exactly," Lori said and stood up, giving Judith a little squeeze and looking back at you. "You know, I appreciate this so much. I was stressing a lot thinking about sending Judith to a daycare with so many other children. It would be easy for her to get sick or neglected. I'm so glad Rick met you yesterday, otherwise I wouldn't have felt comfortable asking." 

"I'm glad I'm able to help." You forced a smile. 

She walked herself to the door and you followed close behind. "Thank you again, Y/N." 

"You're welcome. See you Monday." You smiled and clicked the door shut, breathing deep. 

You weren't sure what you'd just gotten yourself into, but part of you was indeed grateful you would have something to busy yourself with to keep your thoughts off big picture what you should do with your life stuff, and of course, though you'd hate to admit it, Rick.


	3. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re babysitting Judith with Rick unexpectedly arrives home early. Now you’re both left alone. What might happen?

In the days leading up to your first shot at babysitting Judith, you felt little more than a bundle of nervous energy. You’d told your mom about it and she seemed happy you were going to be doing something, even if it wasn’t going to college like she wanted. You were simply overjoyed that she never forced anything on you. 

You couldn’t help but wonder if Rick would bring up the window incident... part of you hoped he said something about it because of the suggestive subject matter and what that could lead to, but at the same time you wanted to forget it like it never happened. Lori trusted you to be there with her baby—her and Rick’s baby. She didn’t invite you into her home to try and flirt with her husband twice your age.

When Monday morning came, you spent a little longer than normal picking your clothes and doing your hair and makeup. You chose a soft floral sundress and bobby-pinned your hair away from your face. This was all part of your normal routine, but the eyeliner you applied, along with the cheek rouge wasn’t. That was extra, but only because you wanted to make a good impression that you were put together and Judith was safe in your hands...

When you knocked on the their front door, Lori opened it and handed you Judith straight away. “I’ve been trying to get ready,” she said, “but she won’t let me put her down. Thank you for coming a bit early! The bus already picked Carl up an hour ago.” 

You looked around but didn’t see Rick anywhere. Their home appeared immaculately kept, as if everything had a proper place. The walls were a muted gray and there were tons of family photos hung about on the wall. A few vibrant plants sat in one corner. You’d always been awful with houseplants and you envied Lori’s ability to nurture them into such a state of life. Did she do everything perfectly? 

“Baby food is in the fridge and you can help yourself to anything you need. I’ll see you at 5:30. Oh, and my number is on the table if there’s an emergency. Thank you, Y/N.” She smiled at you one last time and left. 

You assumed at this point that Rick had already gone to work because the house sounded like you could hear a pin drop other that Judith’s soft coos. It felt peaceful, really, but you wished Rick had seen you all prettied up before he left. 

———

Time had passed so slowly since Lori left earlier in the day. Watching a baby could be compared to watching clouds. Not much happened worth paying attention to. Of course Judith had the sweetest little face and voice, but playing with a baby is only fun for so long before it just gets repetitive. And you’d been doing it for seven hours. 

When the door opened suddenly you straightened your back and held Judith closer. Rick peeked his head around he corner and smiled. “There’s my girl,” he said. You smiled until common sense kicked in and you realized it wasn’t directed at you. He picked Judith up and kissed her nose. 

Of course he wasn’t speaking to you. How could you think that after you’d only known him a week and he’s married? Once more, you had to tell yourself, he’s married. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Rick’s face filled with concern. 

“Oh she’s just really tuckered me out and I didn’t get much sleep last night either!” You tried to perk yourself up to make it convincing. “So how come you’re home early?” 

“Ah, Shane told me he thought I needed some rest, too. Told me he’d take the rest of the day by himself.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Has she had a nap today?” 

“Oh, no she hasn’t. I’ll make her a bottle and lay her down in her crib.” He moves to get up but Rick grabbed your leg and pushed you back down. You thought his hand lingered there for just a moment before he stood up. 

“I got it. You’ve had her all day,” he said. 

You laughed. “Well, I am getting paid for this you know.” 

“Yeah, I know,” he said, a smile on his lips. “I’ll be back in a minute. Why don’t you switch something good on the tv?” 

You took a deep breath when he left the room as you realized the situation. You were going to be watching tv, well, hopefully not watching tv..., alone... with Rick. Why didn’t he tell you to go home now? After all, you weren’t needed anymore, he was home now to watch judith himself. 

Maybe he didn’t want to be rude. He had a warm personality after all, so perhaps this was all just a friendly gesture. 

You grabbed for the remote and flicked the tv on and started searching for something good to watch between all the kid channels, cooking channels, and infomercials channels. Rick came back before you could choose anything. 

“There’s nothing good on,” you said as he sat down beside you. 

“Here let me look.” It only took him a few moments of scrolling before he said scoffed. “What do you mean there’s nothing good on? Look at this! I used to love watching this as a kid.” 

You gave him the side eye. “MacGyver, seriously?” You stifled a laugh. 

“Hey, don’t be laughing at me. I’m not the one who spies on my neighbors while they’re getting dressed after all...” 

You already knew you were blushing from how hot your face felt. “Maybe you shouldn’t get dressed in front of an open window for anyone to see! I may have to file a case with the department of traumatization.” You crossed your arms and looked at him down your nose. 

He just laughed and looked toward the television. 

You were very conscious that your body was only a foot away from his as you watched the screen. He smelled like distinctly of pine and something else earthy which you assumed was his natural scent. How could someone’s smell be so intoxicating? 

Thinking about the endless possibilities coming out of this scenario made your breaths get deeper as you tried to keep yourself under control. 19 years old and you’d never been touched or kissed by a man, yet you craved it. How could you want something so badly if you didn’t even know what it was like? All the years of waiting to be attracted to someone enough to give into that desire... to plunge into it head first... and it had to be a married man, which seemed only to make it worse. 

If you stayed there another moment you’d do something stupid— “Mr. Grimes,” you breathed, trying to calm your body down but your arousal oozed from your voice causing you to stop your sentence and stare at him wide-eyed. 

“Rick,” he corrected you, not missing a beat. 

“Since you’re here now may I be excused?” It was the best you could do to sound even-toned. You’d always been a flirtatious and sensual person, very in tune with your own desires and this was one time it was not an asset. 

He watched you for a second before nodding. “Sure, Y/N.” 

One side of you wanted him to protest, to ask you to stay, and another side wanted to get out of there before you embarrassed yourself. Which needed to be soon. 

“Thanks.” You grabbed your little purse and hurried out the door before you betrayed your words. 

When you got to your room you collapsed on your bed. You’d never felt so out of control in your life.


	4. Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts out as a normal day until Rick gets shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I do love Rick, I catch myself just itching to get to the Negan part already!! Please be patient if you’re feeling the same way— it will come probably around chapter 10? I’m not sure when, but when it arrives, it is going to be GOOD. Trust me. All your naughty Negan fantasies will come true. So stick with me ;)

Your second day of babysitting started out just as the first. Lori smiling and handing you Judy, telling you Carl has left, and that you can help yourself to anything.

It wasn’t until 1 pm that Lori came running in the house with Carl, tears running down his face while she tried to keep herself from doing the same. She swiped at her under-eyes. “Y/N, I’m sorry.” She tried to stand up a little straighter and cleared her throat. “I’m trying to keep it together right now. Rick’s been shot. I-I don’t know how bad it is... I came to get Judith. You can leave early, but don’t worry I’ll still pay you for the full day.” 

“That’s the least important thing right now, Lori.” You didn’t know what the right thing to say was. From either shock or adrenaline, your hands shook as you handed her Judith. “Will you let me know when you find out if he’s okay?” 

She sniffed and looked up as if saying a silent prayer. “Yeah, I will.” 

You both rushed out of the door at roughly the same time, to two different destinations. Thinking back to yesterday, Rick had sat, in perfect health, right beside you on that couch. Now he layed in the hospital, in god knows what condition from a gunshot wound. You hoped Lori would text you as soon as she knew something, but depending on how bad it was, you weren’t going to hold your breath. 

———

Later that evening, a text message popped up on your screen from Lori: Rick’s okay. He just came out of surgery. Looks like we are going to be here for the rest of the week while he recovers.

Relief broke over you like a wave. You realized then you probably cared more than you should have, but something in you felt linked with him. To even think that thought embarrassed you because you realized how ridiculous it sounded to say you felt linked with someone you barely knew. But it really felt that way. 

———

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday passed you by like they were being carried by a 100 year old tortoise. 

You found it interesting how all your other worries that had felt so dire and all consuming before now hardly ever occupied your mind. It made you wonder if you truly found Rick all that fascinating or if you just were using him as a distraction from decisions you inevitably had to make. 

Before the news of the shooting, Rick had occupied most of your thoughts with his knowing smile, careful yes careless gait, and his way of interacting with you. Now most of your time you just spent wondering about how he was doing. Lori told you he’d be fine, but you wished you had more to go on to put yourself at ease. 

Sunday morning you heard a car door slam shut and the sounds of voices. You got out of your bed and peeked through the curtains. Rick! Walking perfectly, with just a bandage wrapped around is upper left arm, holding Judith with the other. Carl followed behind and Lori diverged from them, walking towards your house. 

You made your way down the stairs and heard her knock on the door. When you opened it, she smiled bright up at you. “We just got home from the hospital. Rick is doing well and they said he can do the rest of the recovering from home. It’s just his arm, but he’s not supposed to use it at all so he is going to need help with some things. Would you be willing to stay throughout the week like you were, but add helping Rick to your task list? I’d pay you $10 extra. He won’t need much help, really, he should be resting most of the day.” 

You blinked fast as if it would help clear your head. “Oh, I, uh, of course! That won’t be any trouble at all. Same time and everything?” 

“Yep, just the same.” She nodded. She reached for your hand. “Thank you so much, Y/N. I know you’ve only know us for a super short amount of time. I promise our lives aren’t always so crazy!” 

You laughed. “I’m sure,” you said and smiled. “See you Monday.”


	5. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick confides something in you and you share a tense moment. Rick does something unexpected.

You didn’t know what spending all day with Rick and Judith would look like, especially since Rick was still going to be recovering. You made your mind up that you would control yourself perfectly—not just your actions, but your thoughts as well. You weren’t a slave to your desires. You had control and you planned to prove it to yourself. 

You chose to ignore the little clues in your behavior as you readied yourself to go take care of Judith and Rick. A tight fitting dress that nipped in at the waist, flared out from there, and stopped at your knees. It was just tight enough over your breasts that it gave you the ideal amount of cleavage to draw attention, but to where it could plausibly be accidental. 

When you caught this train of thought, you rationalized it by thinking that there wasn’t anything wrong with dressing to be attractive. Plus, the deal you’d made with yourself was that you wouldn’t flirt with him or seek him out. But if you could provoke him to make the first move, now that wouldn’t technically be breaking your promise to yourself, right? 

You knew you should feel guilty or ashamed for everything going on in your head, but you regarded it as a relatively harmless fantasy. In the past, you’d had crushes on a few of your high school teachers. You’d get dressed up in special little outfits designed to grab their attention, you’d even give them not-so-subtle bedroom eyes or make ambiguous comments. But it never went anywhere because even if they suspected or knew what you were doing, they always kept an appropriate distance. It was a dangerous game you played and now that you were of age, that was one less reason for a man to keep his distance. 

When you knocked on the door, Lori opened it and gave you a nervous smile. You peeked past her to see Rick sprawled out on the couch with a sleeping Judith. You smiled at the cute sight of them cuddled up to one another. 

“Come in,” she whispered, stepping to the side. “Rick was up last night in a lot of pain, he couldn’t get comfortable. He may be a bit irritable today, but hopefully it won’t be that bad. He’s got Judith, maybe you can just sit and watch some tv for now.” 

You nodded glancing from her to Rick. 

“You know I appreciate you doing this for us,” she said, grabbing her purse and stepping out the door. 

You smiled back and listened to the car drive away. You reached in your bag to grab your phone, not sure what else to busy yourself with. 

“Y/N.” Rick said suddenly, making you jump. He laughed quietly and moved to sit up, trying not to jostle Judith too much. “Judith and I stayed up late last night. I couldn’t sleep.” He stood then and bought her close to you so you could get a better look at her darling face. “I’m always reminded of how lucky I am when I watch her sleep. Doesn’t she look so sweet?” 

You smiled down at her. “She’s the purest thing in the world.” 

Rick grinned at you. “Let me put her in her crib where she can get comfy. I’ll be right back.” He let his left arm hang loosely by his side and used solely his right to carry her. 

When he came back he nonchalantly motioned for you to move with him to the couch. You complied, but chose to sit with your purse between the two of you, already feeling your nerves acting up at the mere mention of sitting beside him. Searching for something to say to ease yourself your blurted out, “So...what happened, you know, with your arm?” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ah, you know how it is being a cop. The risk is always there. We were on a high-speed chase, there were only supposed to be 2 suspects, but a third man came from behind the car and caught me off guard. It could’ve been a lot worse.” 

You could tell it upset him and you tried to think of something that would soothe him. “You were lucky. Lori and Carl both love you so much. I saw them before they went to the hospital.” 

“I should’ve been more careful and not let my guard down,” Rick said. “If I’d died out there, no one would be here to protect and look after my kids.” 

“What about Lori?” 

“She isn’t what she seems, Y/N.” When Rick realized what he’d said, he shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m supposed to be moving past everything.” 

“Moving past what?”

“Lori cheated on me about a year ago with my best friend. I’ve done my best to forgive them both. I know Shane’s not all right in the head, but Lori, I thought Lori was my wife, through thick and thin and sickness and in health. Hell, we made those vows and she broke them. It’s been harder to forgive than I thought.” 

“Rick, I... I never thought Lori was like that.” 

He scoffed. “I didn’t either. It’s hard to even look at her somedays.” When you didn’t say anything, he put his face in his hands. “I shouldn’t have told you any of this.” 

“It’s okay,” you said, putting your hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s not,” he said. “I need to get in the shower.” 

He left you sitting there alone on the couch. Before you could process much of what he confided in you, you heard a soft grunt come from the bathroom. “Shit.” 

You stood up and walked slowly towards the bathroom, not sure what you’d walk in on. Rick must have heard you because he swung the door open before you got the chance. “I-I’m sorry,” you stammered. “I just heard you in here and thought—“ 

“I need help with my shirt.” When you just stood there blankly, he squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. “The sooner the better, Y/N.” 

You moved to stand in front of him, breathing him in, but trying to keep your head clear. “You don’t have to be rude just because you need help with something.” 

He gave a heavy sigh. “I know. I don’t know what’s gotten into me all of the sudden.” 

“I’ll forgive you this time,” you said, giving him a little nudge with your hand and reached for the hem of his shirt. You couldn’t help but stare as you revealed his hard body inch by inch, letting your fingertips drag along his skin. When Rick made a sound you stopped and looked up at him. 

You stepped back after realizing what you had been doing, making his shirt drop back into place. 

“If you’d still help me get this off,” he said. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, yeah.” You looked away from his gaze and grabbed for his shirt again, trying not to think about how close you were or how you were touching him in such an intimate way. 

Your breath got heavier as you helped him lift the shirt over his head and heard him grunt in pain. He dropped the shirt to the floor and stood still before you. Other than your father, you’d never seen a shirtless man before in person and the overwhelming nature of it all sent shocks through your body. Rick’s pants hung low on his hips, secured in their place by his belt. You reached for it, not thinking, and began to undo it. 

“Y/N,” Rick said. “What are you doing?” 

“I wasn’t thinking, I guess I thought you might need help with this, too.” Your face suddenly felt really hot and you knew you were blushing, but you tried to play it cool. He put his hand over yours where it still rested on his belt buckle. You looked down and couldn’t help but notice a growing bulge beneath his jeans. 

He must have realized what you’d seen because he let go, turned his back to you, and cleared his throat. “Thank you. I don’t need your help with anything else.” 

You turned around and shut the door behind you. 

You let out a deep breath when you sat back down on the couch, trying to reset yourself. Though you hadn’t intended for that to happen, it felt like a small victory to see that you had an affect on him— none of your teachers had ever shown any signs of being affected by your flirtations. But then again you’d never touched them like that. 

The rest of the day Rick mostly steered clear of you, other than offering to play with Judith for a while. It felt awkward now and you began to wish that you could go back before that all happened. 

When Lori came home with Carl and tried to greet Rick with a kiss, you watched him carefully dodge her as he scruffed Carl’s hair up and asked him about his day. Lori’s smile fell from her lips and she walked to the other room. You knew she loved Rick, but you didn’t see her in the same light. How could she cheat on a man like Rick, such a devoted father, and so attractive? You didn’t know anything about Shane, but you had a difficult time imagining he was better than Rick. 

As you said bye to the kids and headed for the door Rick grabbed your wrist and shoved something into your hand. You looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sign of what he was up to. “There was a reason I didn’t want your help earlier,” he whispered before shooing you off in the direction of the door. 

You kept your fist clenched with whatever he’d given you all the way until you got to your room. He’d given you a little slip of paper, written on it a phone number. It had to be his but you were unsure. You sat the piece of paper on your desk and tried to process everything that had happened today. 

Thinking back to what had happened in the bathroom made a warmth begin to travel through your body. You wondered if Rick had touched himself in the shower, or if he’d thought about you... The more your thoughts wandered the more inclined you felt to text that number. The braver you got. 

As night fell and the feeling in your stomach didn’t go away, you couldn’t take the it anymore and fished your phone out of your bag, dialing the number on the slip of paper. It didn’t even ring once before it abruptly ended. He’d ended your call. 

You tossed your phone across the room and shoved your face in the pillow. Why give you a number and then decline it as soon as you called? 

Needing to get your mind off of everything, you fetched out a book and started reading, getting lost in another world where the problems weren’t yours. 

———

Around 10:30 you began to get tired and put your book down, slipping your nightgown on. Then your phone rang. You picked it up and saw it was the same number you’d tried to call earlier. For a moment you thought about not answering and giving him a taste of his own medicine, but curiosity got the better of you and you picked up. 

“Rick?” You said. 

“Hey. I wanted to apologize for earlier. I was inappropriate and it was a line I shouldn’t have crossed.” 

The little bit of anger still left from earlier had your reserve down. After what you’d seen in the bathroom, you didn’t feel uncomfortable acknowledging it. “You mean when you got hard in front of me?” His end of the line was dead silent. “You were hard, weren’t you?” 

“Y/N, don’t talk like that,” he warned. 

“Why’d you give me this number, Rick?” 

“I told you I wanted to apologize.” 

You shook your head to yourself. “You could’ve apologized earlier while I was there. And you didn’t have to wait until this late to do it.” 

He didn’t say anything else for a moment and you let the silence hang in the air. “When you were helping me, touching me like you were...The way you looked at me, it made me feel... a way I haven’t felt in a long time. I lost my judgment for a minute, and I hope you can forgive me.” 

You took a deep breath, taking all he’d said in with you. “Can I tell you something?” You asked. 

“Of course. I just laid a lot on you, certainly you can.” 

“Since we met that first day, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you...” 

“What do you think about?” He asked. 

You couldn’t believe what you were sitting here talking about. With Rick Grimes, your married neighbor. The thrill of it all had adrenaline coursing through your veins. “Can you come to the window?” You asked. 

“Yeah, give me a second.” 

After a moment of rustling on his end of the phone, you saw him appear at the window. You sat your phone down and put it on speaker. 

“Well,” you said, “I thought about what it would feel like to have your hands running through my hair,” running your hands through your hair to demonstrate exactly what you meant. “I thought about you holding me tightly in your arms.” You heard him make a noise through the phone and this only egged you on. “I thought about what it’d feel like to have your hands run down my body...” You drug your hands down the length of your torso, tilting your head back. 

“Wait, Y/N, stop. I can’t. I just called to apologize for earlier.” 

You grabbed your phone and raised it back up to your ear, still in his view. “Why’d you really call me, Rick?” 

He sighed, and you watched from the window as he rubbed the back of his neck and paced back and forth. “I-I don’t know. This is all wrong. I can’t be talking to you like this. We should both get to bed before this gets any worse.” 

“Don’t let me distract you while you’re trying to sleep,” you said, and hung up before he got the chance.


	6. Honest Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You apologize to Rick and both agree to take a new path forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re dying for more smut, be patient... it’ll be here soon enough.... ;)   
> Please comment and let me know what you think!

When you woke up the next morning, everything that had happened the night before came crashing down on you like a ton of bricks. You understood the saying “in the heat of the moment” more than ever now. Squeezing your eyes shut tight and gritting your teeth, you could have happily disappeared to another country after the embarrassment of everything you’d done hit. The worst part being you still had a job to do, so you couldn’t just up and disappear. The Grimes were relying on you to get them through a tough time and you needed to be there to help, especially after what you’d done. 

Picturing Judith’s sweet smile, Carl’s freckles and eyes just like his father’s, and Lori... The shit you pulled last night could rip apart a family. Rick loved his family, and he still loved Lori deep down or else he wouldn’t be with her. Who were you to charge in and seduce the husband while he was weak? Not from the gunshot wound, but from the heartbreak of what Lori had done to him. You could tell that it broke part of him, that feeling of romantic betrayal. 

For the first time since you met Rick, you were actually serious about keeping the relationship appropriate. When you walked through the door, you didn’t quite know what to expect from him, but you assumed he was feeling similarly. 

Tucking your hair behind your ears and picking up Judith off the couch, you walked into the back bedroom to try and find Rick. You creaked the door open just a bit and whispered, “Rick?” 

He sat up and sighed. “Don’t, Y/N.” He didn’t seem upset, rather just exhausted. 

“No, Rick, I promise... I just want to say sorry, seriously.” You took a few steps into the room, bouncing Judith on your hip. “Can I sit?” 

He hesitated a second before nodding. 

You took in a sharp breath. “It’s hard for me to sit even sit here right now and look at you,” you said. “I don’t know what came over me last night, I know I shouldn’t have been acting like that. This morning I thought a lot about my responsibilities here and your family. I know what I did was wrong, and really, really embarrassing looking back on it. Can you forgive me and give me a clean slate? I swear I won’t do anything like that ever again. I’m going to take this responsibility very serious now and keep things appropriate between us. I promise.” 

Rick smiled at you and scoffed. “I made a fool of myself just as much as you. You were right last night, about me calling you. Don’t place all the blame on yourself.” He made a wave of his hand, and said, “Its all in the past now. We can start fresh, brand new, like nothing ever happened.” 

“Thank you, Rick, so much. I hope things won’t be awkward between us now.” 

“Not at all,” he said, getting up out of the bed. He didn’t have a shirt on, just some pants. You made a point not to look very long and shifted your focus to Judith. “Would you help me get this on?” He asked, holding up a plain black shirt in his right hand. 

You sat Judith down on the bed, giving her nose a little boop. You hurried with the task, but still tried to remain careful when dealing with his left arm. Judith looked up at you when you picked her up, giving you a toothy grin that made you smile in turn. 

“Did you eat yet this morning?” He asked. 

You shook your head. 

“Cmon then, let’s see if we can make something worth eating.” He motioned for you to follow and you did, closing the door behind you. 

——

Later you found yourself sitting beside Rick in the same spot on the couch, when suddenly he turned to you. “I want you to tell me more about who you are. What you like.” 

You tucked your hair behind your ears and looked down at your hands. “Oh, well, I wouldn’t want to sound silly. I’m simple really, I like simple things.” 

His gaze traveled over your face. “Okay,” he said. “Tell me what your want your life to look like, if you got to make it exactly like you wanted.” 

Not even your parents had asked you a question like this before, so you didn’t know what to say. “You really want to know?” 

“That’s why I asked, Y/N.” 

Rick’s warm smile reminded you that you could be at ease with him and you breathed in deep. “I guess I always wanted a family, a few kids, a husband. I wanted, well, want,” you corrected, “to have a husband I’m in love with, who cherishes me like I would him. A nice home to take care of... I’d want to devote my time to my family and carving out a nice little life in a world full of chaos.” You stopped to look at him and read his face for a reaction. “Does this sound stupid?” 

He smiled at you. “Not at all, it’s very sweet.” 

“That’s sort of the problem I was having before I met you. I mean, your whole family and all, before I got this job. I didn’t know how to create the life I wanted and I just stayed home all day. Now I guess I live a little through you guys, it’s a nice distraction for me, but when this is over I’ll be right back where I was.” There you felt the crushing weight again. 

“Hey,” he said, taking hold of your hand. “You just got out of school, you’re not supposed to have it all mapped out. It took me a good while before I got to settle down and start my family. You don’t just find the right person to be with on day one, it takes time.” He let go of your hand and leaned back against the couch. He let out a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Hell, I don’t know if I even found the right person, you know, after all the shit that’s happened.” 

“Rick,” you said. You wanted to relieve him of the pain he felt but didn’t know how. “You’re an honest and moral man. You love your kids. You’re trying to do right by your marriage. I admire you. I really do.”

He sat up taller and smiled. “You’re a good girl, Y/N. What do you think about going on a walk with Judith?” 

“Let’s do it!” You said, suddenly happier than you felt in a long time.


	7. No Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and you have grown close, but your time together is running out. What will you do to keep Rick in your grasp?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little taste of the smut to come ;) let me know what you think!

The more time you spent with Rick, the more bittersweet the arrangement became. It started to be the only thing you would look forward to, and the weekends dragged on like no tomorrow. Rick’s arm was nearly fully healed now and he’d have to go back to work soon. You didn’t know how to brace yourself for that because then you’d never see him. You’d grown so used to talking with him every day and he filled a place inside your heart you didn’t realize was so empty. 

You made your way across the yard, knowing this was one of the last few days you had with Rick. Over the last week you’d started to come as soon as you saw Lori’s car drive off just so you didn’t have to interface with her. It felt strange.   
He was sitting on the couch waiting for you, like most mornings. Judith was fast asleep in the living room playpen, holding a pink stuffed animal. 

Rick and you had grown closer and though you hadn’t kissed or done anything else sexual since you both made your promises, you exchanged a lot of romantic touch. He’d hold you while you watched tv together, he’d kiss you on the forehead, and even hold your hand. For the first time in your life, you had something worthwhile and were afraid of losing it. 

“Hey Y/N,” he said, smiling at you brighter than the sun. When you didn’t smile or joke back like usual it all dropped. “Come here, what’s wrong?” 

You sat down beside him and he wrapped his arms around you. Like this you felt safe and content, as if this were your proper home, amidst his scent, with his heartbeat as music. But you knew this had an expiration date. “You have to go back to work soon.” You stated. 

“I’m supposed to,” he said. “Is that what’s bothering you?” 

You sat up so you could look at him. His eyes were a striking ice blue, like they were carved from glaciers, but they emanated such warmth. He patiently waited for you to answer, just looking over your features almost like he was memorizing them. “Rick, I don’t want to sound like a silly little girl.” you said. 

He put his hand over yours, but you pulled away and put your head in your hands. “I’m sorry. I just really don’t want to be stupid.” 

He rubbed your back and tried to unfold you like you were a fresh fawn in need of gentle care. This was exactly why you hated what would come in the next few days. “You tell me what’s wrong, Y/N. I’ll fix it.” He said. 

“Why are you so nice to me?” 

His gaze immediately switched to the tv. “I just want you to be taken care of,” he said. “That’s all.” 

You flopped back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling. “I’ve gotten so used to seeing you everyday, it’s going to be a lot different when you’re gone.” You said. 

“Maybe I don’t have to go back.” 

You sat up straight and turned to him. “What?” 

His eyes looked so bright all of a sudden. “Maybe I don’t have to go back.” 

“But of course you do,” you said. “That’s your job and you’re healed. I mean, there’s no reason for you to stay here anymore.” 

He leaned in a little closer to you. “I can think of one.” 

Your eyes dropped to his lips and all of your feelings you’d been trying to keep at bay came flooding in like the dam just broke. Tears started to fill your eyes and you trembled. “Please,” you begged. 

Rick took your jaw in his hand and used his other to pull you closer. And then all you could feel were his lips on yours, pressing soft. All of your pain, your quiet suffering, your desperate longing, in that instant seemed to fall away into a dark crevasse too deep for them to ever find their way out. 

The couch you sat on turned into a canoe, floating down a sparkling pink river. The muffled sound of the tv morphed into tweeting birds and water lapping at the banks. Your destination was wherever the river would take you both and you had not a single worry because you had faith. Faith in this sensation he brought out in you. You had faith that it was real and true.

He broke the kiss, simultaneously breaking your daydream, and looked you over. 

You hadn’t realized you’d begun crying until he reached up to wipe a tear from your cheek. “Did I upset you?” He asked. 

“It’s the opposite,” you said, “I’ve never felt better in my life.” Your voice broke at the end and Rick took hold of you, flipping you around so that he was on top of you. 

He kissed you again, this time slower and deeper than before, stroking your hair as he did so. You could never be more at peace than you were now, with this beautiful man above you, exploring the taste and feel of him. 

You broke away to pull his body to yours. He buried his face in your neck and you buried yours in his, breathing in the smell of him. When you closed your eyes, you saw the sparkling river again and smiled.

“I don’t want to pretend anymore with you,” he said. “I want this. I just don’t know what to do about that.” 

“Just don’t let this end, Rick,” you whispered.

He gave you a quick kiss. “I’ve got something special planned for today.”

He moved off you and helped you up, leading you behind the counter. Rick had a basket and blanket ready for a picnic. 

While you two silently prepared the food together, you wondered if Rick had been like this with Lori too, and if he had, how could this have not been enough for her? You always found yourself thinking back to her, it was hard not to after all since she was married to the man you were unofficially dating. 

The wind blew your hair against your lips, catching on your lipstick. “It’s so windy today.” 

“I didn’t know, otherwise I would’ve saved this for another day.” Rick laughed, taking a bite of his peanut butter sandwich. 

Judith whined and you gave her a spoonful of applesauce. “There you go, baby.” You cooed. “You’re such a sweet little thing, you know.” You brushed her hair from her face and switched to hold her on your lap. 

“I thought this sort of thing only happened in the movies.” You said. You popped a strawberry in your mouth. “At least I know my dad never took my mom on a picnic.” 

“Different people value different things. And different people bring out different sides of other people.” He winked at you. 

Rick picked a spot right by the river, with a little playground up the hill. No one except you three currently enjoyed the scene. “What if somebody saw us? Like, somebody you knew?” 

“We aren’t doing anything wrong.” 

“Yeah, but it’s still a little weird right? Like if Lori knew, it would make her uncomfortable.” 

“Maybe,” he said. “She doesn’t have the right to feel uncomfortable.” 

“Why do you stay with her if you feel like that?” 

Rick scrubbed his hand down his face and sighed. “Divorces are messy. I don’t want the kids going through that, I don’t want to hear what people got to say about it. I don’t know how Lori would react, and if she thought you had anything to do with it, well, who knows what she’d do then.” 

You nodded, feeling better with a little bit of extra insight into his thought process. “How are you going to make it convincing that you need extra time to heal? It’s pretty obvious your arm’s better.” 

“I won’t,” he said. “I have two weeks vacation time. I’ll tell Lori I feel like I need it, that I’m really enjoying the time at home with Judith.” 

“She’s not gonna be mad you’re wasting your vacation time on yourself?” 

“We don’t have the money saved for a real vacation any way you look at it, so I don’t see how she could be.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “Let’s not talk about all that. I want to be here with you.” 

————

When you got back to your house that night, your heart was so full. You pushed the worries of what the path you were on looked like long-term out of your head. Right now all you wanted to think about was Rick. Sometimes the way he kissed you sent tingles all the way down to your toes and set a burning fire in your stomach, but he never took it past anything other than kissing and gentle petting. You wondered what was taking him so long to advance things with you and you were getting impatient. 

His reserve still kept him chained down to some degree. It was hard to put yourself in his shoes, but when you thought about it, it was surprising he had went this far. Not only were you a lot younger than him, but you were also the babysitter that his wife hired. Rick was not the kind of man without a conscience, and though he tried to pretend everything didn’t bother him, you knew it did. 

Interrupting your train of thought, a message from Lori popped up on your phone. It read: Hey, Y/N. I hope you’re having a good evening. Not this coming week, but next, Rick and I are both going to be off so you’ll have that week free. Thank you! 

Before you could respond to Lori, Rick texted you: I told Lor about the vacation time. She said she thought it was a great idea and that she’d take the last week off to share with me. I’m sorry. I couldn’t say no. We still have one week. 

That felt like being slapped in the face on one side and then the other. Two weeks together wouldn’t have been that much as is, now it got carved down to just one. What would happen after that? How could he come up with any other believable excuses? 

Tears started to pool in your eyes and you felt like this was the first sign of something bad. With nothing else to calm you, you laid down and tried to sleep. 

————

You headed over to Rick’s house with your chin held high and wearing your best heels. While on the outside you played the part of the confident girl with determination, on the inside you felt more fragile than a butterfly’s wings. 

You walked in on Rick making himself breakfast, and he stopped, eyes following you as you walked over to him. The click of your heels on the floor gave you the self-esteem boost you needed to not break down and cry in front of him.

“I hope you’re not upset about everything,” he said. 

“Of course not. I’m capable of handling a little bad news. But just a little.” 

Rick smiled. “Well, you know I wish I could spend it with you.” 

“I guess I’m just a little worried that after this week you’ll forget about me, you know?” You couldn’t meet his eyes. 

Rick sat down the knife and plate he’d been using to make his sandwich. “Do you really believe that?” 

“Married man meets woman and they hit it off under a very specific circumstance. Very specific circumstance goes away. Married man goes back to marriage forgetting all about other woman. Who is now all by herself, by the way, unlike aforementioned married man. That’s the logical conclusion. When does the other woman ever get the man?” 

Rick took you in his strong arms and gave you a long, passionate kiss. “I don’t want you thinking I’m using you. What will it take to convince you I really care, Y/N?” 

You shrugged. Playing the long game didn’t seem viable anymore. “Sometimes I don’t feel like you really want me. How come I can come over here all dressed up and you aren’t ripping my clothes off?” 

Rick laughed and looked at the floor. “I suppose I could.” 

“I don’t want it to be like that, like you’re just doing it for me. I want you to want me. Really want me so bad you can’t keep your hands off me.” 

You noticed a shift in Rick’s expression as he listened to your words. “I want to,” he said, taking a step toward you and your bodies were touching now. “I’ve wanted to this whole time, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable with everything.” 

“And now that you know I am?” You locked eyes with him. 

He answered by kissing you hard on the mouth and sliding the straps of your dress off your shoulders. Every time he touched you, you had to force yourself not to shake. 

“Bedroom,” he said. 

You took his hand and followed him to the bedroom, grinning to yourself. You weren’t sure what you’d gotten yourself into and you weren’t sure you could handle it if push came to shove, but you knew you wanted it. Bad. 

Rick scooped you up in his arms and laid you down on your back, keeping himself suspended above you. He pulled your shoes off one by one and tossed them onto the floor. Then he carefully began to push your dress up your thighs, inching closer and closer to your pussy. 

“Rick,” you said, holding his hands to stop him. “I’m embarrassed.” 

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed after that talk you just gave me in there.” He removed your hands from his and held your wrists with one hand. With the other, he pulled your dress up, exposing your bare pussy to his stare. You had no clean underwear this morning, so you just didn’t wear any at all. Rick grunted, rubbing his index finger up and down your folds. 

This right here, this was what you’d dreamt of for the past several years. This is what you held out for. A real man, strong and large, experienced, kind. You found that if you focused on how sexy he looked between your legs, you weren’t as nervous underneath his gaze. His brown, curly hair drove you wild, as well as his salt and pepper beard that brushed against your inner thigh as his mouth drew closer. 

You’d fantasized about what it’d feel like to have Rick’s mouth on you before, but when his lips connected with your clit you clutched tight to the sheets. “Relax,” he said. You tried to let the tension fall from your body, but as soon as he did it again, you found yourself pushing him away, even though you wanted more of that little spark of pleasure you’d felt. 

He looked confused, but it quickly changed when you spoke. “I can’t wait, Rick. I want you inside of me now, please.” 

You didn’t have to tell Rick twice. He lifted himself up and began undoing his belt and then his jeans. “Have you ever been with a man before?” He asked. 

You shook your head, feeling too seen right now. You just wanted him to stop talking so much and fuck you. You wanted to be completely absorbed and enveloped by him. You wanted to feel like a woman, not just a girl. Most of all, you wanted to feel desired. 

Rick said nothing and pushed his boxers down, revealing himself in his entirety to you. It was shocking to see him before you in this way. You could never have imagined something so hot in all your fantasies about him. Here the real thing was standing before you, Rick fucking Grimes, cock rock hard for you, and the only thing you could think to do was reach up and pull him down onto you. His cock pressed up against your pussy and in combination with his weight upon you, you were driven wild, like a lion that hadn’t eaten in a week. 

Rick’s lips collided with yours and the tip of his cock pressed just barely between your folds. His hands ran down your body and you arched to his touch, wishing he’d hurry the fuck up and take you like you asked. Something dark and desperate peeked out of you now, threatening to overtake you. In this moment you felt like someone else entirely. 

“Rick, please,” you begged. 

“It’s your first time,” he breathed into your ear. “We have to take it slow.”

“Don’t you want to fuck me?”

His grip tightened on your hip. “Goddamnit, I want to, Y/N. How did you get so naughty?” 

“I’ve waiting a long time for this, Rick. And now that I’ve got you I don’t want to wait even a second longer.” 

“Just remember you asked for it,” he said, nipping at your neck.

Rick shoved himself into you all at once and hard, making you clutch tighter to him. It hurt, but it hurt in such a perfect way, to be filled by him to the point of pain. Nothing could make you ask him to stop. 

You tried to focus on everything you were feeling just then. You wanted to relive it for years to come. Rick pressed his forehead to yours and looked you deep in the eyes as he thrusted into you. “Baby,” he said, tossing his head back before bringing it back down to give you a sloppy kiss. Clearly his focus was elsewhere and yours was, too. 

You leaned up to watch as his wet cock drove into you over and over again. Rick wrapped his arms around you and held you tight against him, breathing hard in your ear. 

Just then, in the other room you heard Judith begin to cry. Almost immediately Rick locked up and pulled himself from you. 

The cloud of sex that had been hanging over your mind started clearing. This was all too damn embarrassing now. Rick pulled his boxers and pants back up, leaving his belt on the floor and pulled you up by your hand. He gave you a quick kiss on the mouth. “I want to finish that later,” he said. 

It made you smile knowing that just because he’d stopped so fast didn’t mean he regretted it. Perhaps Judith’s crying had reminded him just what it was he’d been doing in the bed his wife and him slept in. You didn’t feel even a little bit guilty. You weren’t gonna let this man slip away, no matter what that meant


	8. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get very upsetting news, but are quickly distracted by someone new. 
> 
> ** Hello Negan! Yes.... Negan is here. But for my lovely Rick ladies, don’t worry, he’s going to have many more moments in the sun... enjoy :)

Six days until Rick would no longer be yours alone during the daytime. Six days until Lori had Rick all to herself. 

With the extra time they’d have together, you were worried they’d reconnect or make amends. When you thought of Lori now you were filled with such rage you could hardly stand it. You could reason with yourself and say she didn’t deserve that, if anyone deserved hatred it was you for actively trying to thwart their marriage. But then another side of you would hiss back that she didn’t deserve Rick after she’d cheated on him. Truthfully, that was Rick’s choice to make, and though he talked a big game, you weren’t so sure in reality how willing he was to leave her. Perhaps you had to be more convincing. 

Frequently you wondered if they had sex, and if they did, was she good in bed? You were determined to be better. After that little teaser the other day all you could think of were all the ways you could get him back on top of you. You’d never gotten to finish what you started. 

You pulled out your phone to text Rick. It had to be an innocent text first in case Lori was near him. “Hey I think I left my bracelet over at your house today.” You pressed send and waited for a response. 

“I didn’t see a bracelet. You can come look tomorrow morning.” 

That just wasn’t good enough for you. “How about you come up with a good excuse to leave and meet me at the picnic spot in 30?” 

He didn’t text back right away and your heartbeat picked up. Did you take it too far? But then, “Are you trying to get me in trouble?” 

“Maybe ;) ” You thought that might be the end of it, but Rick surprised you a few minutes later. 

“See you in 30.” 

You slipped into a red lace lingerie set, but you were too eager to bother with the stockings and garter. Just one less thing to take off. You were red hot and ready for this and slipped out the door unnoticed by your parents. For a second you wondered what they’d do if they found out what you were up to. How must all this look from the outside in? 

Affairs were complicated matters. They make sense to no one except those engaging in it. You came to the conclusion that you loved Rick, or at the very least you felt like you needed him. He added meaning and direction to your life, even if it was an extremely confusing direction. Rick cared for you, too; you knew he did. 

His marriage with Lori seemed damaged beyond repair and you figured he’d have to come around eventually. Time and time again, though, you’d seen people stay in unhappy marriages for decades, even their whole lives and that’s what scared you. Now that you’d known the comfort of Rick, you didn’t want to lose it. 

You pushed all those thoughts aside and put a deliberate pep back in your step as you neared the picnic spot. 

You laid down in the grass and closed your eyes. The sweet sound of the trickling stream could have lulled you to sleep. Warm air brushed against your body and kept you somewhat awake and aware of your surroundings. It shocked you how peaceful this setting was and how it set your mood into a more delicate place. 

Your thoughts drifted around like a soft cloud with nowhere to be. As your breathing began to get deeper and your body became heavier, you sat up and shook yourself to try to wake up. After checking your phone, you realize Rick should have been here 20 minutes ago. 

Now your mind drifted to every dark place possible. Maybe Lori saw his phone, maybe she wouldn’t let him go out, maybe he felt guilty and confessed everything to her. Or even worse, maybe he got in an accident on the short drive there. You had no idea, but at this point you were shaking and unlocked your phone to text Rick, but before you could, a message from Lori: 

I don’t know exactly what you and Rick have been up to these past few weeks he’s been home. Rick won’t tell me anything but I saw those messages, Y/N. I know that neither of you are innocent. Rick will tell me sooner or later. I feel absolutely pathetic for trusting you at home with my husband and baby all this time. I don’t know what Rick has told you, but we are still very much in love and together. Stay away from us and the kids. 

Adrenaline rushed through your whole body, filling it with a sharp pain. It hurt to breathe because you knew exactly what this meant and it all came crashing down on you at once like a building that’d been waiting to fall. 

No tears fell, though you expected them to. Perhaps this experience was less devastating and more sobering. You couldn’t kid yourself. You weren’t crying because you were in disbelief. Disbelief even though you had been fairly certain this trek with Rick down the yellow brick road wouldn’t last long. Somehow it seemed painfully real and yet not real at all...As if Rick were just some playful figment of your imagination—another fantasy that had run its course. 

You stood up and brushed yourself off. Of course now you had humiliated yourself worse than you’d ever had, but letting Lori see you walk home after your failed attempt to redevouz with her husband...that would be even too much for the Queen of humiliation to bear. 

So instead of walking south to home, you kept going north to the downtown. Your destination lingered in the future, undecided yet. Rather than taking the reigns of your life into your own hands, after seeing how that had been working out, you decided to let fate and chance do the talking. 

By the time you reached the bars and restaurants of the downtown, your feet ached like you’d been walking in the creek with no shoes on for two hours. The shock of everything had worn off now and you felt more numb than anything else other than perhaps foolish. 

The lingerie you’d chosen for Rick now became a subtle annoyance underneath your dress. Your eyes floated around the scene looking for something to entertain you. A great number of people were out tonight, inside the bars, listening to the man playing music on the sidewalk, or sitting out in the road with makeshift patio seating. They’d blocked this area off from cars, so the street served now only as a vessel for people to eat, drink, talk, and laugh. But you weren’t doing any of that. 

One of the empty tables along the edge seemed far enough away from the action and you sat down, adjusting your position until you were satisfied. You delighted in watching everyone else and felt perfectly content there to just observe. Having your attention drawn away from yourself and onto others offered you a moment to relax. 

A pretty woman, perhaps in her thirties, sat four tables away from you to the left. She resembled you in a way, with the same hair length and color and even the way she smiled with a delicate heaviness. It felt almost like you were able to see a glimpse into the future...How had she become so fragile and frail, sunken back into her chair? She wrapped her arms around herself as some form of self-soothing as she chatted with the man in front of her. Would you still feel the same confusion and unsteadiness you felt now when you became her age? The thought of becoming more like this woman with time made you look away. You didn’t want to be fragile. 

As brief as your time sitting in this little patio chair was, it was enough. You stood up and walked away from the sad, pretty woman and in the opposite direction from which you came. It probably wasn’t smart to keep walking further from home considering your only way back was your own two tired feet, but you just wanted to stay busy. 

The longer you walked, the more the pain in your feet began to travel to the back of your mind. Cigarette butts littered the cracked sidewalk and most of the lamp poles weren’t working. You had enough to to light to see. 

Amazing hundred-year-old homes lined the street, but had all fallen into disrepair. Many of them had the paint cracking off, one had a semi-collapsed porch roof, and another had foil taped all over the windows. 

It always fascinated you how people let such beautiful things wither and die because of neglect when the upkeep seemed so simple. In the soft decay of it all rested something significant—the attractiveness of a thing forgotten about, unvalued now though at a previous time held in high esteem. 

A man caught your eye, standing on the his porch and you slowed your walk to better assess him. He wore a ratty yellow T-shirt and cut-off jean shorts. He stood still, only watching you, and you picked up your pace. 

“Aren’t you gonna stop by and chat, lady?” He said, loud enough that’s there’s no way you could pretend not to hear. 

You didn’t meet his peering eyes. “I’m walking to a friend’s house actually.” 

“Well, isn’t that nice? You sure your friends gonna be better company than me? Bet your friend doesn’t have a fridge full of free beer they’d let you drink.” 

“I don’t drink. It tastes gross and it makes you fat.” 

In about ten seconds you were going to pass by the man’s house and you knew this moment was crucial. If you could get past him, odds are he would leave you alone, but if you couldn’t, you were in trouble. 

You began to walk even faster, though still answering with an even tone, “My friend’s house is just up here,” you said. 

As you brushed quickly past the man, you let out a heavy breath, only to get yanked backwards and almost lose your balance. The man had you by the arm and held you face to face with him. “I don’t think you have a friend, lady,” he said. 

His breath smelled heavy of cigarettes and probably even some liquor you couldn’t name. His skin had an unhealthy yellow tint, and you noticed his teeth were dark around the gums when he smiled. Your whole body lit up with adrenaline. You were hyper aware of the danger this man posed to you. Either pretend to be interested and hope to find a safe moment to leave, or make a big scene and risk getting hurt. 

The longer you looked at the man with yellow skin and disgusting, rotten teeth, you couldn’t stomach any option other than pleading with him. 

You tried to speak loudly so that someone might hear you. “Please, my friend’s house is just right there. Don’t make me cause any problems for you.” 

The man laughed. “The problem with that is I know everybody on this street and not a single one has a little lady friend as cute as you. I think I’d remember if they did. So why don’t you be nice, and come inside like I—“ 

Both of your heads turned at the sound of the door of the neighboring house creaking open. Another man, with a much larger frame stepped out, wearing a sleek black leather jacket. His slow and deliberate footsteps sounded like the intimidating beat of a drum and he brandished a wooden baseball bat that he let hang from his hand at his side. 

Your eyes settled on the heavy downturn of his mouth. This was a hard man and you could tell by the hard lines in his face. 

Then finally, he spoke, “Joe, I have got to say, I do not like what the fuck I’m seein’ right now.” He swung the bat up onto his shoulder. 

You were amazed by the way he conducted himself as if he were some sort of god, ever powerful and untouchable. Your thoughts were the furthest away from Rick they’d been in a very long time. 

He continued his advance at an agonizing rate, drawing out every second. 

The disgusting man still held your arm, now much tighter. He looked frozen everywhere except for his eyes, which followed the larger man’s every move. And then your leather-clad savior leveled the bat directly with the man’s nose. “When I said I don’t like what the fuck I’m seein’, I thought that pretty clearly implied that I wanted you to let go of the damn girl, and go fuck off right back into that piece of shit house.” 

Almost immediately he dropped your arm and you backed away from the man you knew now to be Joe. 

“Negan, you know I was just asking her in for a couple of drinks...I wasn’t trying anything.” 

“Last I checked, not a fuckin great idea to lie to the man holding a bat,” he said. “Apologize.” 

Joe looked at you and you almost laughed because just a minute prior you had been afraid of this man, and now here he was, having to apologize to you like the pathetic boy he was. 

“I’m sorry, miss,” he said. “Sorry for grabbing you like that. Hope you have nice night.” 

Just like that, he went inside and it was over. You were safe, and all thanks to the man with the baseball bat. 

He had already been watching you when you looked up to meet his eyes. You had a primal attraction for him, something deep and instinctual. It felt unexplainable, but deep, deep inside you understood what it was. 

“Joe was right about one thing, you don’t have a friend up the street, do you?”

You shook your head. 

“You shouldn’t be out here walking at night by yourself. I thought girls knew that nowadays. You need a ride back home?” 

“No, no, definitely not. That’s actually the last place I’d like to be right now,” you said. 

He looked at you as if waiting for you to say more. 

“I did something really stupid and I guess I’m still out here being stupid. I just don’t really know what to do with myself at the present moment, you know. I’m restless.” 

“Come inside with me,” he said, grinning at you. “We’ll get your mind off things.” 

He held out his free hand and you took it, hardly able to refuse, and let him lead you inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. Constructive criticism welcome.


	9. Milkshake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan tries to offer you some advice on Rick and you try to offer him something as well...

The inside of his house surprised you. You didn’t expect it to be decorated with frilly things and pink, but he didn’t have anything at all hanging on the walls. They weren’t even painted. Not a family picture on the fireplace mantle, or a picture with friends on the counter. 

The more you looked around, the more you noticed he didn’t possess much of anything in the realm of decor. Everything he had in the living room and kitchen served an active purpose. If this were deliberate, it was strange to you. You loved decorating and making things extravagant, even though there hadn’t been too many opportunities for you to do that. 

That’s why you admired Rick and Lori’s home so much. She decorated the whole house to a tee, though your styles differed a lot. She decorated with lots of neutrals and things that were on trend. A lot of houseplants, too. 

You preferred outdoor flowers to house plants, and pastels to neutrals. The world itself seemed so gray, you wanted to bring lots of color and life into your environment as frequently as possible, to make you feel alive, like you could breathe. Never would you enjoy something that felt artificial or sterile. That’s the main reason you avoided any sort of school or doctor’s office now that you had the choice.

You enjoyed things and people that made you feel free and in-flow. Being with Rick came easy and naturally to you so long as you didn’t think about her, the dreaded her, always in the back of your mind her. 

“How old are you?” His voice startled you and brought your eyes up to him. 

Negan had a well-worn face, much more rugged than Rick’s. He had at least a week’s worth of stubble on his jaw. It suited his personality quite nicely from what you could tell. More than anything else, the warm hazel of his eyes instilled a different feeling in you than when you would look into Rick’s. 

Sure, when you looked at Rick you saw the sweet, gentle man you could spend a lifetime with. A man that would nurture you and take care of you. The type that would serve you breakfast in bed on occasion; you thought of Rick as the romantic type in general, but especially after that picnic day and how long he’d waited before engaging in any kind of sexual behavior with you. But this man did not give you that impression and somehow, you liked it. 

You wondered exactly how long you’d been staring at him while you were lost in your thoughts before you remembered his question. “Nineteen.” 

He turned around and pulled a cup out of the cupboard and sat it on the table. “Sit,” he said. “Water, sweet tea, soda?” 

You did as you were told and sat down at the table. “I guess sweet tea would be the best.” 

He poured you a glass, got a beer for himself, and sat down across from you. “Listen, kid, I think you’ve got a hell of a lot of misunderstandings about this world. If someone doesn’t set you straight, something bad’s gonna happen to you. Hell, it almost did. There’s more men just like Joe out there that will take you for all you’ve got. You gotta understand that.” 

“Something bad already has,” you said. “I told you I’d been stupid, remember?” you looked up at him as he watched you as if he could see right through you. 

You knew it wasn’t right, but the attraction you had for him made you feel good and alive and you liked the distraction he provided. And you had thought by the way he’d took your hand that he found you attractive as well, but now he changed his tune. 

“I knew you had something like a death wish tonight, kid. I could see it on your face the second you looked at me. Now, here’s my guess, and you tell me if I’m wrong. I think you and whatever boy you’re seeing had a little fight tonight and it’s got you looking for trouble.” 

“A man,” you said, feeling the need to prove somehow that he should take you serious. “Not a boy.” 

He laughed again which only made you angrier. “You are all kinds of fucked up, aren’t you?” 

“Why’d you even help me out there, or bring me in here, if you were just going to be rude to me?” You took a breath and got a good look at the man in front of you. 

“Let’s just say I can read people really well.” 

“Really. You’re easier to read than me.” That was a lie. 

He motioned for you to go on. Your tongue suddenly felt like a block of salt, far too dry to speak with. 

“I think you’ve got this idea you’re some big tough guy carrying around that baseball bat. But more than that, I think you’re sitting over there trying to hide the fact that you really want to fuck me.” 

Something had flipped inside you tonight and you felt extremely bold. You weren’t sure if it was everything that had happened with Rick or if this was simply the effect Negan had on you. 

He laughed deep in his chest. “Well, shit, I did not think you had a mouth like that on you. I like it. But, to set the record straight, you’re the one who wants to fuck me. And I do believe I deserve a thank you for saving your ass.” 

You didn’t have a clue what to say. You had a long run of making boys, and men if you counted Rick, blush with your words, but to this man your words did nothing. He just thought you were amusing. 

The glass of sweet tea in front of you suddenly looked like the most interesting thing in the room. Today had been so confusing. You didn’t know where things with you and Rick were heading and now here you were half-way flirting and half-way bickering with a man who threatened to beat a guy with a baseball bat. Your life was truly out of control, but you barely cared. In fact, it thrilled you a bit to be living on the edge. 

The only thing that made this experience less enjoyable was a tinge of guilt thinking of how it would make Rick feel. He thought highly of you—he said so. But he hadn’t seen much of this darker and more primal side to you which this man seemed to all but embody and provoke. 

How come you felt so confused all the time, like you were always pulled in two directions, as if two separate and distinct beings inside you were vying for control over your throughly? You felt guilty for being attracted to Negan, yet not enough to be certain you’d behave properly. You were so innocent and girlish, with such sweet wants and needs, yet sometimes a dark, hot wave would travel over your body and make you think and feel like a wild animal. Who were you, really and truly, deep inside? 

“Hey,” he said. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I think you’ve already had a rough night. I can be a dick sometimes.” 

You took a big drink of your sweet tea and stood up, doing a lazy spin in your dress. “I feel like an idiot.” 

“Come sit back down. Tell me what happened.” 

Part of you shrieked at the mere thought of revealing your foolishness to another person, but another honestly wanted someone to tell. 

Taking your place back at the table, you prepped yourself with a deep breath. “Remember, I told you I was stupid, so don’t make fun of me. Okay? Promise.” 

“Cross my heart, hope to die and all that shit.”

Though you bounced around ridiculously in your story, Negan followed. “Christ. How’d you manage this one, kid?” 

“I honestly have no idea. A too-well developed imagination and a lot of free time.”

Negan shook his head and laughed to himself. “Yeah, I’d say.” 

“How can I fix it?” 

“Right now, he’s probably shitting his pants since his wife found out about you two fucking around. Whether he wants to be with her or not, he’s definitely shitting his pants double because he has kids with her. You want him to come crawling back to you, you gotta make him see you as the way he’s getting out of this mess, not the way he got in.” 

“How?” 

“Wait a couple days. Make him miss you. He’s used to gettin his little doll baby fix almost everyday, isn’t he? His marriage is shit with his wife and just got shittier. He’s going to be looking for anything that will cheer him up and his mind is naturally gonna drift to you because I’m sure you been stroking that man’s ego like he hasn’t felt in a long time.” 

“Yeah,” you laughed. “I guess.” 

“To get him to let his guard down again you have to make him feel good about himself. It’s like a drug for men, having a pretty woman around who thinks you’re the shit.” 

“How do I make him feel better about himself and me? I’m literally the whole reason he’s in this mess. He’s a cop remember? Not gonna fall for it.” 

Clearly Negan wasn’t impressed with your lack of creativity. “Technically, it’s his wife’s fault. She’s the one who cheated, and if she never did, well, Sheriff would’ve never fallen for the little babysitter batting her eyelashes at him. He would have been completely and utterly devoted and his dick would never get hard when he looked at another woman.” 

You rolled your eyes. “It was more than that.” 

“My point is, that’s the story he wants to believe. No one wants to think they’re the villain.” 

“That’s all?” 

Negan nodded. “Yeah. People are simple. It may take a bit of convincing and you’ll have to flavor it with some fancy words and shit, but he’ll eat it up. Believe me. And then you give him the best blowjob he’s ever had.” 

“I’ve never given a blowjob before,” you said, fidgeting your feet under the table. 

Negan leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrows. “Now you’re telling me that the girl who came into my house and started talking about fucking like it was nothing has never given a blowjob? Your story isn’t adding up, kid.” 

It was hard to explain. You’d never done a lot of sexual things, in fact you’d only had sex one time and that had been extremely brief. Yet somehow you were an incredibly sexual person with intense sexual desires. You already knew you were insatiable by the way your body reacted every time you looked at Rick, and now even more after seeing the way you body reacted in Negan’s presence. You had been trying to ignore it, but you knew if you looked, there would be wet spot in your panties. 

Looking up at Negan, a bunch of dirty thoughts ran through your head. If you really loved Rick, how come you wanted to fuck this man so bad? You truly didn’t care about Rick any less; you still felt just the same about him. But you also couldn’t control the way your body lit up around Negan. The best you could do would be try to control your actions. 

“You shouldn’t look at me like that, kid,” he said, shifting in his chair. 

You averted your eyes only briefly before peering back up at him. “Why not?” 

“You shouldn’t look at any man like that. Especially not someone like me.” 

What did he mean? He had saved you from potentially getting raped earlier, and now he’s implying he’s some sort of bad guy? 

“You gotta get your head on straight. If you keep walking through life playing chicken with the dark side, you’re gonna destroy yourself.” 

“I’m not normally like this,” you said. “I really don’t know why I’m doing half the stuff I am tonight.” 

He took a swig of his beer and sat it back down. “Listen, you’re a pretty, young girl. You could have probably any boy your age you want. Just pick one that’s gonna become a doctor and shit and live the rest of your life in some rich suburb with a dog. Don’t put yourself down this path.” 

“I don’t think you know guys my age then or you wouldn’t say that. I’ve just always been into men that are older, from even before I understood what sexual desire was. I can’t fix it. I think part of the reason I started the relationship with Rick is that I just let that desire build up and up and up, and now it’s even worse. I guess by getting a taste of it, instead of satiating it, I just made it grow.” 

You confided so much in Negan already, so you figured you could bare it all without it making much of a difference. You were in desperate need of someone to talk to and Negan seemed willing to listen. However, you had probably pretty much ruined your chances of sleeping with him by revealing yourself to be so naive and foolish. 

“I spend almost all my time fantasizing about sex, or something romantic. That’s pathetic, isn’t it?”

Negan stood up and motioned for you to do the same. “Come on, I’m taking you home,” he said. 

You did as he said because after all, this was his house and you were a guest...But when you reached the door you stopped and turned around to face him. He stood only inches away from you, watching you close. “Kid,” he warned, but you cut him off. 

“I’m not a kid.” You started to slide the strap of your dress down your arm, but his hand caught yours. His hand, holding warm over yours to keep you from baring yourself to him. 

He looked so dangerous, felt so dangerous, yet he wouldn’t let you show him your body. He tried to help you, protect you, offer you advice. The feeling burning inside you was entirely different than what you had felt with Rick. Your eyes were locked on his, waiting to see what he would do next and hoping it would be something dirty. 

When his hand started to move, you arched into his touch, even though it only ever-so-slowly pushed the strap back up your arm. Ecstasy. Even the slightest touch from him had you writhing internally. You felt so hot, your breathing heavy, you had to part your lips. 

His eyes broke from yours to see his hand still resting on your shoulder. He instantly pulled it back down to his side. “I’ll be right back. Wait on the couch.” he said. 

Watching him walk down the hall, you decided to give up, but you ran your hand over the spot he’d just touched you, trying to get a piece of that feeling back. You sat on the couch like you were told, mostly just ready to go home. Confused. Maybe if Rick saw another man drop you off it would make him jealous and he’d text you. You did feel guilty about what just happened with Negan when you pictured Rick. Lori probably yelled at him all night so far and you knew the thought of her taking the kids scared him. His kids were everything to him. And here you were, trying to get a stranger to fuck you, or kiss you, or, honestly, you had no idea what you were trying to achieve. This was all a crazy whim. 

What was wrong with you? You thought Lori didn’t deserve Rick, but truthfully you didn’t either. At least you hadn’t technically cheated on him because you were really never with him in the first place. It felt like cheating to you, though, because you cared about him a lot and you knew how betrayed he would feel if he knew what you did. 

When Negan came back with the car keys and his wallet stuffed in his back pocket, you started to get warm again, but pushed that down. 

“I’m sorry for doing that,” you said. “I really appreciate you helping me out earlier and offering to take me home. You’re a good guy, you know.” 

Negan gave a dry laugh and opened the front door. “Come on.” 

Negan kept his car the way he did his house. You wanted to ask about it, but maybe it would come off as rude. 

You checked your phone and re-read the text from Lori. Negan’s advice made sense, but you knew all this happened because of you. You should have known better than to text Rick and push the boundaries when she was home. The fear and the weight of everything closing in and your time with Rick coming to a close... it just seemed like something fun and a way to spend extra time with him in the moment. Now you potentially ruined everything and were in a worse position than what you started in.

“You want a milkshake, kid?” Negan asked, pulling into the fast food drive through. 

“Could it be chocolate?” 

Negan nodded, ordering both of you chocolate milkshakes. When he handed you yours, you took a sip and thanked him. How could he be so nice to you after you put him in such an awkward position earlier? 

You gave him directions to your house and founded yourself getting anxious as you grew closer. 

Negan didn’t wear a ring on his finger. You learned the hard way to check for that after an embarrassing encounter with a man in the supermarket. One of those brooding trench coat New Yorker types. God, you could tell that man was vicious from the way he walked. You stalked him around the market for a while before approaching him asking where he was from. 

“New York.” He said it extremely dismissively and you should have left with your pride intact then, but of course you were enthralled by him.

You’d said, “You’re really handsome,” hoping lord knows what would happen. And something happened, just definitely not what you were picturing. 

“I’ve got two girls your age,” he said. Then he held up his hand, where a ring rested snug on his finger. The look on your face. Pure horror. “I’m married and have a client to get to. Go find your mom.” 

You remember saying something like, “Oh I’m so happy to hear that.” And attempted to walk away as if you hadn’t just experienced one of the worst moments of your life.

Even remembering it now, you laughed out loud at how stupid you were. You still were that stupid, just Negan happened to be much more polite and gentle in letting you down than the New Yorker. 

Anyway, from the way his house looked, you thought it pretty unlikely he had wife or girlfriend anyhow. 

“Hey, open your phone and put my number in,” Negan said, not taking his eyes off the road. “If you ever get in trouble, you call me. But don’t go wandering off anywhere after I drop you off.” 

“I won’t,” you said. At this point, you really just wanted to go to sleep and forget about everything and hopefully stop remembering all the other times you’d been an idiot. 

You typed his number in and saved a contact now named “Negan.” It annoyed you that there wasn’t a baseball bat emoji to add to the end of that. The whole bat thing really fascinated you, but you figured there’d be other times to ask and didn’t want to push your luck bothering him tonight. After all, he’d been extremely patient and forgiving thus far considering...

After Negan pulled up, you saw all the lights were off in Rick’s house except the office upstairs where you could make out his pacing silhouette against the curtains. 

“That him?” Negan asked. 

“Yeah.” 

“I know I gave you advice on this whole thing, but I don’t think this is what you should be doing. Even if he leaves his wife for you, you still have a lot to sort through. His kids would be your kids in some capacity, and you’d have to come to terms with the fact that he already had a family before you. All your firsts would be with him, and none of his with you.” 

When Negan caught the look on your face, he stopped, only to say, “You do what you think is right, kid. But tonight, I want you to get inside and go up to bed.” 

You looked away from the window and back to Negan, reflecting for a second on just how much you appreciate everything he had done for you tonight. Being in his presence made you feel oddly safe somehow, which was the last thing you expected when you saw him sauntering out of the house with that bat. 

“Thank you,” you said. “You be safe as well.” 

You had a lot to think about.


	10. Small Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick surprises you with a brief visit. What happens leaves you confused and in need of someone to talk to.

The morning’s first light peeked through the curtains as if to softly whisper a good morning. The sun proved to be reliable in waking you up, and in a much gentler way than an alarm clock or your mom hollering up the stairs that you needed to get ready for school. 

You didn’t miss those days at all, but you knew how to live them. The pain was familiar, even comforting in some distorted way, like a too-tight dress that garnered head turns, but threatened to burst at the seams if you took a big breath, or ate a nice meal. This, though, you were entirely unaccustomed to. You didn’t know how to cope with it. With school, you had exact times when you knew you’d be free of it; it ran on a schedule. Not this. 

The cup from your milkshake still sat on your bedside table. Last night almost didn’t feel real, yet there it sat, the clear, plastic cup stained with the remnants of chocolate. Right beside it laid your phone, and your hand itched to pick it up and text Rick. Was he awake yet? You half-expected there to be a text from him while you checked, but there was nothing. 

You could hear your mom washing dishes downstairs. Rarely did you two interact on more than a superficial level because you were solitary and she always had something to do. This morning, maybe you could have her to yourself for a while. 

“Mom?” You said. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.” She kept washing the dishes, listening with her back to you. 

“How do you know when a man really loves you? Past just enjoying your company or thinking you’re pretty.”

“I don’t think you ever truly know how someone else feels. In the past, I thought someone loved me and it turns out they didn’t. It happens all the time.” She turned to look at you. “You’ve been spending all your time babysitting or in your room, when did you have time to meet a boy?” 

“Oh, I haven’t met one, I was just reading this book and it got me thinking about it.” 

“Okay,” she said. “Well, I’m going to get in the bath. I’ve got to go to work in an hour. Will you finish these?” 

You nodded. Her answer didn’t sit well with you and neither did the way she shrugged you off. 

Sometimes you wished for a better relationship with your mom, one where she wasn’t so busy all the time. Even when she didn’t have work, she always had to be out doing something. 

Your mom used to be more involved when you were littler. Her and your dad both. Their love for you waned the older you got, the more troublesome you became, and the more you shrunk into yourself. At any rate, it felt like they loved you less, regardless if that was the truth of it. Maybe as they’d gotten older they’d become less enchanted with life in the same way you had. 

Your train of thought shattered when a rapid succession of knocks came at the door. Maybe Lori had come to tell your mom about everything, about how instead of innocently babysitting, you were cozying up to her husband. About how you did, in fact, have time to meet a “boy.” 

But when you opened it, Rick stood there, his hair disheveled, with a look you had never seen on his face. 

“Y/N, let me in,” he said, almost sounding like he was out of breath. 

You glanced over your shoulder, and whispered to Rick, “My mom’s here. And what about Lori? If she sees you at my house, what’s she going to think? I don’t want to make this worse.” 

“She left with the kids to stay at a hotel. It’s just me.” 

“But my mom...” You looked over your shoulder again. 

“If you don’t want her to catch us, then you better let me in.” 

His eyes were rimmed with red and shone against the light. He hadn’t shaved either this morning which cast an unfamiliar dark shadow across his face of at least two or three days of stubble. 

You pulled him in through the door and did your best to lead him quietly up the stairs, even though you could hear the water running in the bathroom, which probably blocked out any footsteps. 

When you shut the door behind you, Rick pulled you into his arms. “I needed company,” he said. “I know it shouldn’t be you, but it had to be you. I had to come here to be with you.”

You stepped out of his embrace and sat down on the bed. It sank lower when Rick sat beside you. “I’m sorry this happened, Rick.” You thought back to what Negan told you. “You know it isn’t your fault, right?” 

“I’m not going to say I should’ve never cared for you, but all of the things we did and said... Lori and I were still together. I tried to have both. She said things, cruel things. Things I would never have said to her.” 

“How can she act like this? She’s a hypocrite, Rick. She did so much worse and expected you to forgive her, didn't she? She has no right to be upset.” 

Rick paused for a second and you took this as a good sign he was considering what you said. 

“She’s the one who broke your marriage. It wasn’t you. It was broken before you and I even met. All of this goes back to her and what she did. If she would have never cheated on you, things would’ve never developed between us. She’s blaming you and blaming me, when it’s really her fault.” 

“I was supposed to be moving past it.” He put his face in his hands.

“There’s no moving past that, Rick. She should never have expected that of you. You tried. You tried so hard. You love your family, I know they mean the world to you. You’re such a good father and I know you were a good husband, too.” 

Rick looked at you for a moment before kissing your cheek. “You’re such a sweet girl.”

Your body began to react to the way his eyes softened when he looked at you, and the scratchy, deep voice he said those words in, but you tried to press on with what you were saying. 

“I know it’s not really my place to say this, but Lori has no right to tell you anything about being a good husband, or good father, or even so much as imply you’re not devoted to your family. If she really valued your family, she would’ve never even considered cheating in the first place. So the thought of her making you feel guilty for simply caring for someone other than her makes me mad!” 

At this point you’d gotten yourself worked up, every drop of animosity towards Lori finally coming out even though you’d probably be best to hold it in. 

“She’s selfish. She doesn’t think the way you do. I always thought of her as something heavenly, above me, delicate. She’s none of those things. You’re everything I thought she was. Only with you, it’s real.” Rick pulled you to him again, holding you tight against his body to where you could hear his heart beating in his chest. 

Only part of you was what Rick described. The part of you that longed for a pure love, a love that felt like drifting on clouds and playing in a sprinkling of rain. Or watching bunnies munch on clover. When you were with Rick, you felt closer to that part of yourself. He emanated that sort of soothing warmth. That was the part of you he liked. If he knew about what you did last night, would he understand? 

“Do you love me?” 

“Y/N,” he said, stroking your hair. “I care about you. I want to take care of you, help you through this life. I don’t want to bring you into this. I want you separate and protected from it all.” 

You moved back from him to look at his face. He was serious. “Is this the end..?” 

“I have so much going on, I don’t want to bring you into it. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t imagine not seeing you or being able to talk to you. But I can’t have my kids taken away from me or dragged through court. Judith’s just a baby.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his hands over his face. You knew how taxing this must be on him and felt a little guilty because you rooted for it quietly in your mind for weeks, but you didn’t know it would look like this. 

“I’m sorry, Rick. I know this is something awful you’re going through. You don’t have to make any promises to me. I care about you, too, and whenever you need to, you can always come see me, or call me, or anything. You know where I am.”

“You being so sweet and pretty just makes it that much harder to stay away from you,” he said, his eyes drifting to your lips. 

“You don’t need to stay away from me, Rick.” Your hand inched in over his thigh. “Let me help you feel better. Please, I want to.” 

“Y/N,” Rick whispered, but he didn’t try to stop you as you palmed over his jeans. In fact, he tilted his head back, and lifted his hips ever-so slightly. 

You wanted Rick to come into himself, to be the man he really was, strong and domineering. He kept that side of himself locked away and wouldn’t give into it. You thought of Negan and how predatory he seemed at times. Even though Negan had only shown you kindness, you knew there was a darkness in him that Rick could never compare to. 

For a brief second you imagined it was Negan you were massaging through his pants, and a rush of excitement shot through you. But this wasn’t Negan, it was Rick, the man you were beginning to love, you told yourself. Beautiful Rick, with his striking blue eyes and dark curly hair. 

“Make love to me,” you said, kissing his ear and then his neck. 

“I can’t.”

“I know you want me, Rick, I can feel it,” you said, stroking his hardening cock through his jeans. “Feel me, I want you too...” you took his hand and pushed it between your thighs to your naked pussy. 

You laid down on your back on the bed, forgetting all about your mom downstairs and the fact that the door to your room didn’t lock. Rick looked you over and before he could utter another word of protest, you pulled him down onto you, and instantly he was kissing you ferociously, reaching down to unbuckle his jeans with one hand and with the other on your hip, pressing you into the bed. 

He needed to fuck you, not make love, and he wasn’t fight his desire for you anymore. He needed to feel like a man again, to be in charge. He needed to take control of the pretty little girl next door and have her moaning under him. And you would. 

Rick’s only proved his desperation more when he didn’t waste a second before shoving his cock into you and burying his face into your hair, moaning, “Y/N.”

Your pussy stretched to allow him inside, but it didn’t hurt this time. Being filled by Rick made you dizzy with delight. And with the weight of him on top of you mixed with the sounds he made in your ear, you were more than intoxicated. 

“Baby,” Rick said, pressing his forehead into yours and staring into your eyes. “I love you.”

You couldn’t say it back. Not this way. You only lifted up your head to kiss his lips, reaching around and pawing at his back, digging your fingers deep into the muscle. Rick fucked you hard, his hips crashing into yours over and over again, and each time as he buried himself fully into you, the tip of his cock brushed against something that made you clutch him to you tighter. 

“You’re only like this for me,” Rick breathed. “My sweet girl.” He kissed you, then bent down to kiss one of your breasts, covering it with his mouth, flicking your nipple with his tongue. All of this was still so new to you, everything he did made you arch your back and gasp or moan. 

Rick pulled away from you and lifted himself up onto his hands, his cock just barely brushing your skin. You slipped your nightgown over your head and Rick only eyed your naked body for a moment before his eyes drifted back to your pussy, made red, wet, and sloppy by him. 

You both watched as he pushed his smooth, glistening cock back into you, slow, inch after inch. Being able to both see and feel what was happening to you made you involuntarily squeeze around him, almost like your body was trying to keep him inside you forever. 

Rick tossed his head back, clearly trying to control himself. “Do that again, baby.”

You did your best to comply, on and off again squeezing yourself around his cock until he released a strained moan and collapsed back on top of you. 

This closeness of a man, a real man, a strong man, fucking you, the hair on his chest rubbing against the soft flesh of your breasts. It was ecstasy. Everything you ever dreamed of and fantasized about for years. 

You were hyper-sensitive and aware of everything he did to you. His blue eyes trained down on you, and yours up at him, you knew you wouldn’t let him go. You wrapped your fingers in the dark curls at the nape of his neck and locked lips with him, the only steady thing being your kiss as your bodies rocked together. 

His moans got louder and more frequent and you knew what that meant. God, that felt good. You were about to make your neighbor and sheriff of the town, cum all over you. It was deliciously disgusting of you and you didn’t mind it one bit. 

He shoved into you extremely hard a few more times, pushing as far as he could into you, moaning so loud you were sure your mom could hear it all the way downstairs. Then, Rick pulled out and wrapped his hand around his cock, pumping it fast. His closed his eyes shut tight and grit his teeth. “Fuck,” Rick moaned, bucking his hips up one last time before he came all over you, from your belly button to your collarbone, his cock twitching in his hand as he continued to stroke it until he was finished. 

What a decadent sight that was to see. A victory. In some way, you now had claim over Rick... having had brought him to probably one of the first and best orgasms he had in months, maybe even years. 

Rick tugged his pants back up, still breathing hard. 

You sat up on your elbows. “Do I look pretty like this, Mr. Grimes?” 

He tossed you a towel that had been laying on the floor in the corner. “So messy,” he said. 

You cleaned yourself up and put your nightgown back on. Rick seemed distant, uneasy. “Rick? Wasn’t that fun?” 

“Yes. You make me do things I would never do for or with anyone else.” 

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” 

“You’re worth so much more than this. You deserve more. If I can’t be with you, this shouldn’t happen.” 

The smile that had been on your face faded. “I know you have things you have to sort through right now, but you want this, don’t you? After all this is over, we can be together?” 

Rick ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t promise anything. I don’t know what’s going to happen with me and Lori.” 

You didn’t know what to say. You did everything Negan said and slept with him, but it didn’t seem to be enough. 

“You’re beautiful. I want to take care of you. I want to protect you, keep you safe from this world. But what I want and what I can do are two different things. I can’t promise anything.” 

You nodded, trying to force yourself to accept it. “Can we still see each other?” 

Rick pulled you in by your jaw and kissed you softly, his lips delightfully warm against yours. “I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. Even though I know this isn’t good for you, I can’t stop. I knew I shouldn’t come over this morning, but I did.” 

“You are good for me, Rick, you just made me feel better than I’ve ever felt in my life actually...” You kissed him soft and gentle, but deeply, feeling the stubble on his upper lip scratch at yours. 

“Watch out,” he said. “Or you’re gonna make me want you again.” 

You grinned and he stood up, heading for the door. 

“Wait! Rick, my mom.” 

“She already left. Didn’t you hear the car door a few minutes ago?” 

“So you’re still a cop even when you’re off-duty. Noted.” 

“Yeah, I don’t miss a thing,” he said. “Don’t forget that.” And he winked, closing the door behind him. 

The chocolate milkshake cup. Negan. Did he know? Even if he knew you were out with someone, he would certainly have no way of knowing what you did. At least you hoped not. Surely he would have said something if he did... 

Rick’s car started up in the driveway and you hurried over to the window to watch him drive off. He was probably going to meet Lori somewhere, which frustrated you, thought it only made sense. Rick wasn’t entirely yours. Rick still belonged, legally and emotionally, to another woman. 

Remembering how Rick has refused to tell you he loved you, yet then said it while you were having sex... you started to feel overwhelmed by the situation you put yourself in. Whenever you were overwhelmed as a little girl, your dad would always take you to get ice cream down the road. You wished he were here now to do that for you. 

Your father had become increasingly withdrawn the past few years and always focused on earning more money. It felt like he didn’t have any time for you, just like your mom, but with him it felt worse because you used to be so, so close. 

The last time you’d gotten to really talk to your dad in depth was when you got a note on your second to last report card that said bluntly, “always reading or doing makeup in class.” Your dad found the latter part to be particularly annoying, first yelling, verbalizing his doubts on what you’d become, but finally calming down and asking for an explanation. Since then, it had all been small talk. 

Sometimes you did touch up your lipstick or mascara in that class, but what did that matter? You liked the teacher, a soft-spoken, lanky man who never quite learned how to project authority. Still something about him intrigued you, and you were always one of the first to be in his class, hoping one day he would initiate conversation or take notice of you. If he did, he never showed it. 

You still thought of him sometimes when you were bored, but remembering him now, it shocked you to realize all the other men you fancied before paled in comparison to Rick in your mind. Simply the sight and thought of Rick excited you and comforted you in ways none of the others ever did. He made you break the moral code you thought you had. He turned you into something you never thought you could be. 

The familiar sting of tears began to touch your eyes. Right now was not a good time for you to be alone. You picked up your phone, and called Negan.


End file.
